Note: This post is all my opinion. I prefer to write instead of repeating the same thoughts in my mind until they do not make sense. You may relate, or you may not, but I felt the need to express. Also, it is pretty lengthy.
I was on a walk with my mom Monday night, just having a casual conversation. We started talking about wishes, and I joked and said, – relating solely to The Genie in Aladdin – “What would you wish for? Remember one of the rules is you can’t bring back people from the dead!” Less than a half a mile later, I took a quick look at my Facebook newsfeed and stopped in my track. “OH MY GOD” was all I could say, mouth-dropped, holding out my phone to my mom for her to see the multiple statuses that appeared saying “RIP Robin Williams.”
It is crazy how much social media is the first news source. When we see a flood of updates about a tragedy, there is that split-second before we fully process it and research more details that we don’t believe it to be true. To top it off, there are so many things going on in the world right now that just honestly suck. The first thing I hoped to see as I scrolled down was “Robin Williams Death Hoax”, but unfortunately this is no hoax. Hearing the cause of death did not make it any easier to process.
I know mental health is among the most sensitive of topics, and I am honest about not being fully educated on it. I do believe it needs to be taken more seriously and I do see progress in the near future. To me, Robin Williams did not die from “apparent suicide”, he died from severe depression. It is simply sad for my generation who grew up to his movies/are jealous of our parents for getting to tune in to Mork & Mindy. My dad has a signed picture of him in his office.
Another thing that contributed to my weird feelings was visiting IMDB.com (International Movie Database) and seeing a date for “Died”. I am oddly obsessed with this site . . . the IMDB app is among my top five most used apps. After every movie I watch or even just think of, I head to IMDB and stalk the actors/actresses and their past roles. I love the excitement of realizing where you’ve seen the actor/actress before. I recently did this with Robin Williams during Yad Vashem (Israel’s official memorial to the victims of the Holocaust), as I thought of his brilliant performance in Jakob the Liar. I also reflected on him earlier in the summer during the Tony Awards’ Aladdin performance. It is all just so sad.
I feel weird. And I know that millions and millions of others feel weird too. We can only keep questioning how someone so full of humor and life could feel so alone. I am also praying for strength toward his family, friends, loved ones, and those who were privileged enough to work with him. *Also, I want anyone reading this to know that they are loved and appreciated. Please seek help if you need someone to talk to, as we ALL need some times.
I will continue to watch his movies, clips of interviews, TV episodes, and much more. The hardest movies to get through will be What Dreams May Come and Dead Poets Society. Honestly, I think even Flubber would be hard to get through.
RIP Robin Williams. This is my story of being upset about your loss. It is also the beginning of a story to whole-heartedly appreciating your work, and making sure my kids some day hate all the bullies in Jack and feel hope in hospitals because of Patch Adams. I do feel as if I lost a friend as well. I came upon this screen-shotted tweet reply that says a lot where he thanks a fan for sending him love, what a feeling.